


After All

by DoctorFatCat



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to haters to lovers, Happy Ending, Kids, M/M, Parents!showki, Past Character Death, Showki, ShowkiMasterBingoChallenge, Sick Character, duh - Freeform, haters to lovers, idk what else to tag, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 18:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorFatCat/pseuds/DoctorFatCat
Summary: "Hyunwoo and Kihyun hadn’t always disliked each other. The both of them used to be best friends until a bit under two years ago, few months before Kiwoo was born."Card BPrompt: Kids/Childhood





	After All

**Author's Note:**

> Written with the font Pacifico 11.5
> 
> I feel like I should remind you since the kid's mom is white, Kiwoo is white too lmao  
> Everyone I showed this pictured a korean baby (same), but he's white lol  
> Idk what to say tbh, I was kinda stuck at some point with this story, and I love the plot but i only had 6k so I hope i did it justice uwu  
> Thanks to Jamie (aka averyblue here on ao3) for helping me out and for being a sweetheart and supporting me, and my girlfriend Leticia (raplinelover) for saying I was gonna die whenever I mentioned the bingo required 16 fics
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy uwu

“Okay, sweetie, daddy is gonna miss you very much.” Kihyun says to the toddler in his arms, bouncing him up and down on his hip a s he kisses his chubby cheek. “Don’t let your papa give you any bad influence, okay?” He pouts playfully, and Kiwoo squeals. “That’s my boy.”

The doorbell rings, and Kihyun sighs deeply before opening the door to see Son Hyunwoo standing there, looking as douchy as ever. “Hello.” He says, not welcoming in the slightest.

“Hey.” Hyunwoo replies just a dry. “Is he ready?”

“For you to take him away from his home? Never.” Kihyun says petulantly. “Come in, his things are on the couch.” He says, hugging the kid against himself for a little longer. “He’s been getting a little sniffly because of the cold, so remember to put on his socks when you put him to bed, and his serum is in the side pocket of his bag in case his nose gets stuffy. And he’s not agreeing with pumpkin very much anymore so he might be difficult, but make sure he eats at least some of it.”

“Okay. Socks, serum, pumpkin.” Hyunwoo hums when he’s got all of Kiwoo’s things. “We’ll be alright.” He says.

The older moves closer and takes the toddler in his arms, and Kihyun’s shoulders sag a little.

“Hey baby boy, did you miss me?” The older asks with a wide smile, and Kiwoo smiles before squealing out a _papa!_ “Aren’t you the smartest baby in this world?” He laughs.

Kihyun makes a face, looking away from them, and starts walking reluctantly towards the door.

He follows Hyunwoo and Kiwoo to the car, and watches as the older straps their son into the little chair. Hyunwoo puts his things in the trunk while Kihyun goes to say his goodbyes to the baby.

“Daddy loves you very much. I’ll think about you every day. Every every day.” He promises, kissing Kiwoo’s little hand. “Behave, okay? I’ll miss you.” He whispers, feeling his eyes well up with tears.

“He’ll be back in a week.” The older grunts out from behind him.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t miss him.” Kihyun argues annoyedly. “If you don’t miss your own son when he’s away that’s not my problem.”

“You have no right to say that.” Hyunwoo snaps, stepping closer. Kihyun straightens up and faces him, his gaze defying even if his ex-friend is much bigger and stronger. “I love Kiwoo just a much as you do. Shut your fuc- fugging mouth when something stupid like that is about to come out.” He roars.

“Or what? You’re gonna kick my ass? Grow up, Son Hyunwoo, this isn’t high school anymore.” The younger scoffs, arms crossed.

“Please, if I’m the teen here then you’re the mid schooler.” Hyunwoo spits. “I don’t have time for this. I’m taking my son home.”

 _“Your_ son only when I start eating fish.” Kihyun bites.

“Da-da!” Kiwoo calls from his chair, and the shorter’s head snap towards him automatically, moving to crouch next to the car.

“What is it, sweetheart?” He asks softly.

“Da-da, come Papa. Papa Giwoo.” The toddler says, pulling Kihyun by the hand.

“No, angel, I’m not coming.” He says. “You’ll be fine, papa will take care of you.”

Kiwoo glances at Hyunwoo, and seems to be convinced.

Every time one of them comes to pick him up, or brings him to the other’s house, the 17 months old toddler tries to get them to go home together, and every time it breaks Kihyun’s heart.

“Take care of my baby.” Kihyun sniffles after he says his last goodbye with a kiss to Kiwoo’s forehead.

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. “Obviously.”

Kihyun makes a face at him, and the older glares before getting into the car. The younger watches as they drive off, waving at the toddler in the backseat who’s too busy with his stuffed elephant. Once they’re out of his sight, all he can do is walk back into the house and start busying himself to make up for the absence of the baby.

 

Hyunwoo and Kihyun hadn’t always disliked each other. The both of them used to be best friends until a bit under two years ago, few months before Kiwoo was born. They shared a best friend, a girl called Emma, with whom they’ve shared a friendship since third year of high school, up until their mid twenties, when Hyunwoo and Kihyun had a fall out, and Emma was six months pregnant, the father of her baby long gone.

Both men, even if filled with hatred for each other, had promised to help her take care of the boy as if he were their own, and Emma had named him Kiwoo after her two best friends. So she made sure to register both of them in her will as the boy’s godfathers, afraid her mother would try to take Kiwoo away from her since the woman was against her having the child without being married.

Emma Reid didn’t make it to more than a few hours after Kiwoo’s birth due to complications and severe blood loss. So while grieving and loathing each other, Kihyun and Hyunwoo raised the baby as their own.

Hyunwoo had moved into the apartment Emma and Kihyun lived in together since college, since the place had already been prepared for the baby that was to come, and when Kiwoo was a year old, both moved out into their respective places, not enduring to live in the apartment that would remind them of their deceased best friend anymore.

It had been the arrangement, Kiwoo would spend a week with each of his dads unless something came up, and it had been working well, all things considered. Apart, of course, from the fact that both his dads couldn’t interact for too long without having a discussion.

 

“Hey, Kihyun!” Calls a voice from behind when the brunette is leaving the building, and he looks over his shoulder when he recognizes the voice.

“Hey, Jooheon, what’s up?” He smiles.

“Do you wanna hang out today?” Asks the younger, undoing his tie already as they walk down the parking lot to their cars. “Me and Hyungwon are going to this bar.”

Kihyun grimaces. “I’d love to, but Kiwoo’s papa is bringing him home tomorrow and I’m gonna wake up early to vacuum the place again.”

Jooheon snorts. “Hyung, for a dad you’re such a mom.” He snickers in korean, and Kihyun swats at him.

“Yah! Stop being heteronormative, you shit.” He scolds.

“I’m not. I’m just saying you act like my mom. Even if you were a single dad, I'd say that.”

“I _am_ a single _dad_. Do you see a wedding band?” He rolls his eyes.

“Not exactly single, I’d say.” Jooheon shrugs. “Anyway, it’s a bummer you can’t come. I’ll catch you later then.” He waves.

“Sure. Take care!” Kihyun waves before getting in his car.

The routine is nice, and Kihyun is in a good mood getting the house ready for his baby to come back. He puts everything in place, feeling he slacked off a bit in the week Kiwoo was at Hyunwoo’s, and takes a good long shower, taking the time to wash his hair, since he knows once the toddler is back, his showers are gonna be reduced to five minutes max.

He eats and watches a few reruns of his favorite series, and goes to be around eleven, liking to keep up the same bedtime as he does when Kiwoo is around, so he won’t mess up his sleeping schedule too much.

The next morning he vacuums and makes himself breakfast, and makes something for the toddler to snack on later in case he gets a bit hungry before lunch. It’s around half past ten when the doorbell rings, and he all but flies to the door, finding Hyunwoo walking back to his car after having pressed it.

Kihyun walks up behind him. “Good morning.”

“Hey.” Hyunwoo greets, not as dry as he usually is, which makes Kihyun frown. “Good news is he’s eating sweet potatoes really well, so you don’t need to worry about pumpkin anymore, so just give him that. And I think he’s starting to reject the formula.” He scratches the back of his neck as he opens the backseat door and starts undoing the straps of Kiwoo’s chair. “Bad news is he’s got a cold. He’s not feverish, but his nose keeps getting stuffy and I didn’t want to use the serum too much so I got a nebulizer and it’s been working fairly well.”

“Didn’t you try sucking the mucus out of his nose?” Kihyun asks.

Hyunwoo’s head snaps back. “Excuse me?!”

“What? When a baby has a stuffy nose and can’t blow it, you suck the mucus out. It’s normal.” The younger argues.

“That’s disgusting.”

“He’s your son, sacrifices are to be expected. Get used to the idea because when he’s back to you, if he’s still sick, you better do it.” He threatens, pushing the older to the side and leaning in to take the the toddler into his arms. “Hey sweetheart. How’s daddy’s boy?”

Kiwoo replies by whining and clinging onto the brunette. Kihyun huffs in surprise, rocking the boy side to side and shooting the older a look.

“He’s grumpy because of the cold.” Hyunwoo points out.

The shorter male sighs, but holds onto the baby and kisses the side of his head. “Where are his things?” He asks.

“I’ll get them, just take him inside, it’s too cold out here.” Hyunwoo waves his hand, and the other gives in with a nod, taking the one year old inside.

As he walks in and brings the baby to his crib, he hears the older male walking behind him with Kiwoo’s things, taking them to his room while Kihyun brings the baby to his own, laying him down on his back on the bed. He checks on his nose, and for sure there’s a lot of mucus inside.

Hyunwoo ends up walking in the exact time Kihyun rests his cheek on the baby’s forehead to check his temperature, then sucks on one of the toddler’s nostrils, and proceeds to spit onto his hand before doing the same to the other.

“Watch him while I wash my hand.” The shorter intructs before walking out.

The older moves in and sits Hyunwoo up, kneeling in front of him on the floor and checking on him, for any eye boogers or anything that might indicate he’s got something other than a cold. He then takes the boy in his arms and sits on the bed, rocking him in his arms and he makes little complaint noises, but clearly breathing more easily than before due to Kihyun cleaning his nose.

It makes Hyunwoo feel warm inside, even if the scene was something he’d think disgusting coming from anyone else, seeing Kihyun be so attentive to their son. Not that he ever expected less, knowing the younger would move mountains for Kiwoo, just like he himself would, but having seen something so careful and loving like that in person makes him feel something he can’t really explain.

Back then, when they lived together, it scared him to think that he wouldn’t be able to take care of Kiwoo as well as Kihyun did, since the younger had always been perfect for parenting, always appearing to know everything while Hyunwoo was the clueless one. And he has to admit, even if they can’t stand each other, that a lot of what he learned was due to Kihyun.

“Well, it’s all good. You can go now.” Kihyun says, walking back into the bedroom.

The older looks down at Kiwoo, who’s babbling nonsenses to himself, and kisses the top of his head. “Papa will miss you, baby. I’ll see you again soon.” He promises, and brings him up to hug him against himself before walking up to Kihyun and handing him the boy.

“I’ll let you know if he gets worse. Or better.” Kihyun says quietly, rubbing the toddler’s back.

“Okay.” Hyunwoo nods with a sigh.

They bid their goodbyes, and Hyunwoo drives off glancing at the rearview mirror, seeing Kihyun walk back into the house with Kiwoo in his arms.

“Papa is so silly, isn’t he? Thinking baby’s nose is icky.” Kihyun says fondly to the toddler who’s starting to fall asleep in his arms. “Soon you’ll be too heavy to be carried around, baby boy.” He smiles, taking Kiwoo to his bedroom so he can change him and put him down in his crib.

Sometimes, when he has a lot of time, Kihyun worries. Not in general, not like he never worries apart from when he has time, because when it comes to worrying, Yoo Kihyun’s good at it. This _worrying_ involves his makeshift family. Broken and missing parts, but which he likes to believe functions well. He loves his son with every piece of himself, and so does Hyunwoo, and even if they don’t get along, they manage to be decent for Kiwoo’s sake.

But then Kihyun has time, and when it happens he ends up thinking too much. They’re both single, he and Hyunwoo, and for their current situation, that works. Kihyun doesn’t see himself finding someone anytime soon, since all his time and energy is spent caring for the toddler, and balancing a love life on top of that isn’t easy, so to prevent the headache, he just doesn’t. But he can’t say the same about Hyunwoo. The truth needs to be faced; Hyunwoo is a healthy good looking man, just under his thirties, who’s got a stable job — as a personal trainer, but he’s good enough he gets to train some fairly important people — and his own home and car. The chances of him finding someone in a near future are high, and there’s this little voice in the back of Kihyun’s mind that tells him Hyunwoo might want to start a family with this someone, and there’s the chance Kiwoo might not be a part of such family.

Of course, a rational part of his brain knows the older male loves Kiwoo just as much as he does, and would put him over anything else in his life. He’s their son, biological or not. But there’s always that lingering fear Hyunwoo might find his own family, and Kiwoo will only be able to count on Kihyun from there on. _Kihyun_ will only be able to count on himself. Even if he knows how much the toddler means to his other dad, one can only be completely sure for themselves, and never others.

 

Kiwoo doesn’t want to eat the sweet potatoes either. In fact, he doesn’t seem to be willing to eat anything, rejecting the formula completely and whining when Kihyun tries to feed him anything. He starts coughing, and his nose keeps getting congested, and Kihyun can only suck so much mucus out until he realizes he need to take the baby to get checked. So he arranges to have him taken the next day, in the morning. Work can wait.

Only it can’t, and his boss demands a meeting early the next day, obliging Kihyun to have to take Kiwoo to the daycare, expressing to the caretakers that it’s very important they keep an eye on him and don’t let him interact much with the other kids. Minhyuk promises he’ll pay attention to Kiwoo only the whole day, and Kihyun hugs and kisses his son goodbye so many times he feels like the ground under him is crumbling, scared to leave the toddler. But he trusts the caretaker to take care of him.

Yoo Kihyun’s gut feeling proves to not let him down again, and two hours into the meeting he gets a call from the daycare. His heart stops. The brunette excuses himself before walking out of the room to get the call.

“Hello?” He answers, his mouth dry.

“Mister Yoo, we need you to come pick your son up.” There’s the familiar voice of a caretaker whose name he recalls to be Samantha. “Kiwoo seems to have gotten worse and we can’t take him to the hospital without a parent present.”

“Oh my god.” Kihyun says shakily, putting a hand on the wall to hold himself up. “What happened? How is he?”

“His cold seems to have turned into a fever. He’s very lethargic and his lips are turning bluish. He’s been coughing a lot and crying all morning.” The woman informs. “If you could hurry, sir, he seems to be extremly uncomfortable.”

“Sure, of course.” He runs his teeth over his lips, knowing that even if he finds a way to get out of the meeting, he’ll still take some time to get to the daycare, and with a toddler, anything could be bad news. “I’ll see if Kiwoo’s dad can come pick him up, I’m too far away to arrive in time.” He lets her know.

“Very well, we’ll be watching him until he arrives, sir.”

“Thank you, Samantha.” He whispers, and cuts the call as soon as she replies, calling Hyunwoo without a second to spare.

The older picks up after the third ring and the brunette cursing. “Kihyun? Wh-”

“I need you to pick Kiwoo up at the daycare.” He says quickly.

“Uh? You mean right now?” The older questions. “Is he okay?”

“He’s gotten worse. I’m in a meeting and I don’t know if I can’t get there in time. The caretaker said he should go to the hospital to get checked.” His breathing is heavy and fast, heart pounding in his chest at every minute that goes by and his baby is still alone. “Please, Hyunwoo.” He whispers.

“I’m on it, don’t worry.” The older says with clear worry in his tone. “I’ll message when I get him there.” He says.

Kihyun thanks him, and they bid quick goodbyes before cutting the calls.

He feels like he can finally breathe a little easier, knowing that Kiwoo will be safe with his other father. Kihyun walks back into the room with a yellow smile and explaining it was about his son, which has everyone nodding in understanding. He sits back down with the thought that if the meeting gets too prolongated, he’ll leave early and go to the hospital. His job be damned.

Luckily, forty minutes later it’s over, ten minutes after Hyunwoo sending him a text to let him know Kiwoo was being taken care of by a doctor, and in which hospital they were. He leaves the building almost flying, letting his boss and a few cowokers know he’s going to the hospital to check on his son.

Kihyun all but flies there, trying not to break traffic laws but not knowing if he did or not. If he gets a ticket later he’ll deal with it. He parks the car in the hospital’s parking lot and runs in, stopping by the receptionist’s table, probably looking insane.

“Excuse me, I’m here to see someone who’s just gotten in. His name is Kiwoo Reid.”

The woman starts typing into the computer. “Ki-woo?” She says slowly.

“Yes. K-I-W-O-O R-E-I-D, he came in with his legal guardian, Hyunwoo Son,  H-Y-U-N-W-O-O S-O-N.” The brunette says so fast the woman’s eyes bulge slightly.

“What’s your relation to the patient?” She questions.

“I’m his other legal guardian. Kihyun Yoo.” He says.

It takes five minutes, she keeps typing in stuff into the computer, and Kihyun’s foot taps the floor anxiously. Then, finally, she hands him a paper for him to sign, and he does so fast his handwriting comes out terrible. She then hands him a “accompanying” card, telling him where he can find his son, and he puts it around his neck before thanking her and walking away.

In the lift, Kihyun texts Hyunwoo to let him know he’s arriving, and he older says he’ll be waiting outside the room. The brunette feels his eyes filling with tears, worried. His baby is in the hospital, and probably because Kihyun didn’t stay to take care of him like he was supposed to. Hyunwoo must be pissed, and if he scolds him, the younger will most likely take it.

He spots the older standing by the door, and sprints towards him, his face crumbling down as he feels a sob come up his throat. “Hyunwoo.” He calls.

The older is already looking at him, and holds his arms out to stop Kihyun, the shorter looking like he could fall. “He’s inside.” He says. “There’s a nurse in there with him. Apparently he’s got bacterial pneumonia.” He makes a face.

Tears run down the younger’s face. “Oh, _god.”_ He cries quietly. “This is my fault. This is all my fault.” He says, shaking his head from side to side and looking down, not being able to look the older in the eyes. “I should’ve stayed wi-with him. He ne-eded me.” He sobs. “I h-hurt our b-baby. Hyung, I’m s-sorry.” He says in korean, trying to wipe his face desperately with his hands.

“Kihyun-ah.” The older says, taking the younger by the shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. You couldn’t have known.” He says.

“I l-love him so m-much.” He cries. “I can’-t lose h-him, hyung.” Kihyun presses his palms against his eyes.

The older looks at him sadly, his eyes glassy as he fights back the urge to cry. He brings Kihyun closer, and holds him, the shorter’s face against his shoulder as he cries quietly.

“You love him. No one could say you don’t love him.” He whispers, still speaking korean, feeling like this is a private moment between two parents who are worried about their child, and no one around needs to know what they’re saying. “You needed to be at work. I might have done the same thing in your place.” He says quietly, his lips against Kihyun’s hair, right above his ear, and he whispers soothing words and hides from the younger that he’s crying too.

Kihyun wraps his arms around his torso, and grips onto his jacket like it’s his lifeline.

They might loathe each other until their last breath, but when they’re the only ones who understand how they feel towards their son, how worried they are, then that can be put aside.

“Come in to see him.” Hyunwoo murmurs. “But calm down a bit first, he’ll notice your distress.” The older pulls away, holding Kihyun by the shoulders again before bringing up his hands to wipe away his tears like he’s done so many times before when they were younger. Kihyun nods, breathing in and out slowly, shakily, looking into the older’s eyes as he does so, noticing he was also crying, but deciding not to mention. “He’s taking oxygen therapy, so don’t freak out when you see him wearing a mask.”

“I’m good.” Kihyun says quietly. “I won’t cry anymore, promise.” He nibbles on his bottom lip and inhales deeply, and Hyunwoo loops his pinky with his smaller one briefly, and if silently letting him know he believes him.

The older guides him in, opening the door slowly and smiling at the nurse before letting Kihyun in. The younger’s eyes go straight to the toddler in the small shallow crib, a small oxygen mask covering his face partially, his eyes closed as he sleeps soundly.

“Oh, my baby…” Kihyun whispers, moving closer while Hyunwoo explains to the nurse this is Kiwoo’s other dad he had mentioned before. “Daddy is so sorry he left you.” He says. “I’ll never leave you again.”

The younger male sits by the small crib, watching the toddler sleep while wearing all the guilt in the world on his face. Hyunwoo approaches him slowly, and Kihyun doesn’t look up. “I hope I don’t have to tell you again to stop blaming yourself.” He jokes quietly, brushing his knuckles on the younger’s arm to get his attention.

“You can tell me over and over and I don’t think I’ll feel less guilty.” Kihyun sighs. “I just keep telling myself if I had told my boss I couldn’t go and stayed with him this wouldn’t have happened.”

“If that doesn’t work, then let me try this.” Hyunwoo mumbles, sitting next to Kihyun. “Stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’, that’s already done for. This is what’s going on now, so focus on it and stop mulling over the past.”

The younger sighs, defeated. “I’ll try.” He promises. “I just want my baby to be okay now.”

They sit together in silence observing the boy for some time before the nurse informs them the doctor will see them.

It’s all a blur from there on. The doctor explains that Kiwoo was suffering from bacterial pneumonia, but that after rest and taking medicine at the prescribed time, he’d be alright. The parents both sigh in relief, Hyunwoo squeezing Kihyun’s hand in his, letting his walls down after knowing his son would be okay after all, and his shoulders slump with a sigh. The worry is still there, but much smaller, and they’ll cope.

They spend the night in the hospital with the baby, always alert, and rushing towards the kid at every small sound he makes, even in his sleep. They don’t sleep that night.

Instead, between hushed whispers, they discuss how they’ll take care of him, what they’ll do to make sure he’s never alone, that they can be sure he’ll be well taken care off.

In the morning, Hyunwoo leaves first, kissing Kiwoo’s forehead and waving Kihyun farewell before leaving. The younger stays with the baby until he’s authorized to go home, and on his way buy the medicine for him, as prescribed. Kiwoo seems to be in a better mood than he was the morning before when his dad left him in the daycare center — probably because he feels a tad better now.

He gets home only a few minutes before Hyunwoo arrives, helping the older bring his things inside. Kihyun helps him unpack fairly, tells him where some things are, and where he could sleep if he wanted to. They end up inflating a camping mattress while Kiwoo sits atop of it, giggling and letting out words of excitement as it gets filled, and his bright laugh warms his dads’ hearts.

They’re silent around each other, without any energy to fight or even argue. They talk to Kiwoo, and play with him, and plan their next days.

Hyunwoo stays over for around two weeks as they care for Kiwoo. They alternate between working part time, morning and afternoon, informing their bosses they’ll be working extra in the future to make up for the lost time. The nights are silent, and they make small talk to an extent, shifting to sharing about Kiwoo’s improvement.

Around the third day of the older sleeping around, the toddler wakes up at night, crying loudly due to abdominal pain, and Kihyun takes him to the bed, laying the baby next to him and rubbing his tummy in hopes to soothe the pain. Hyunwoo sits on the other side of the bed, by the edge, his hand caressing Kiwoo’s smaller one as he whines in pain. “Sleep here tonight.” Kihyun says softly. “He’ll feel safer with the two of us here.” He mumbles. Hyunwoo glances at him, and Kihyun doesn’t take his eyes off the toddler, so he takes his pillow and covers, and lies down on the other side, their bigger bodies bracketing the one year old between them. Kihyun kisses the top of Kiwoo’s head, and after what seems to be hours, but not even one, he falls asleep.

After that night, Kiwoo sleeps in bed between them for the following days, and they don’t bother to mention it.

Gradually, they talk more. Be it just asking if the other needs anything from the store, or playing rock paper scissors to see who gets to shower first, and who bathes Kiwoo — they end up doing it together every time, bickering about the other doing something in a different way themselves do — or watching TV side by side, commenting on it here and there, and even risking to go a bit nostalgic on what they used to watch before, when they were still best friends. The air between them is lighter.

When Kihyun puts down the bottle of the analgesic, the glass clinking on the counter, he sighs, and mutters to the older male next to him. “This was the last dosage. He should be good now.” He looks up at Hyunwoo. “I guess now we wait to see how he’ll be.”

The taller nods, rubbing his face with his hand, tired. “He’s been good for some time now.” Hyunwoo adds. “I think he’s fine already.”

Shifting slightly to face the other, Kihyun hums. “I think so too.” He glances at the clock. “We should put him to bed soon.”

“And go to bed too.” The older chuckles. “I’m exhausted.”

And so them both get ready to bed, change Kiwoo into his PJs, and the three of them brush their teeth. Hyunwoo rocks the toddler in his arms side to side while humming a song while Kihyun gets the crib ready. They put the sleeping boy down and watch him intently in case he wakes up. A few minutes later, when the toddler doesn’t do much more than stir slightly before he settles, they move to go to bed too. And that’s about when they both realize they didn’t fill the mattress for the older to sleep on.

Kihyun eyes the bed, then softly murmurs “Sleep on the bed.” before moving and sitting on his side of the bed. The older doesn’t question, just walks around it and lies down on the other side, and they turn away from each other, feeling the absence of their son between them, filling the space.

The silence is heavy, pregnant with an angst that’s not unfamiliar, but unwelcome. Both lay awake, aware or not the other isn’t sleeping, maybe not even aware they’re not sleeping themselves. Hours pass and the inquietude grows at the unasked questions and unmade accusations. A conversation they never had, never meant to bring up again.

Late hours, and Kihyun sits up, knowing he won’t be able to sleep with this unsettling. He walks out of the room. The man sits on the couch and nibbles on the pad of his thumb as he stares at the wall and tries to calm down his thoughts. It’s not too long before Hyunwoo’s quiet and heavy presence fills the room, and he sits on the other couch, not meeting Kihyun’s eyes, but sharing the same inquietude

The silence is their best friend until Hyunwoo breaks it. “Do we go back to hating each other now?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

The sound of the night is loud. “How long has it been, Kihyun?” He asks.

“Too long.” Whispers the younger. “Almost two years.”

“Do you miss it? Us?”

“Without Emma?” The younger bites his bottom lip. “I miss the both of you.”

“And you never tried to get me back even though I’m not dead.” Hyunwoo mutters, not accusing in the slightest, as he’s guilty of the same crime.

“It’s easier to cry for her loss whenever I miss you.”

The silence is there again. They haven’t looked at each other yet.

“Tell me how you remember it happened.” The older whispers.

“It started because we were drifting apart.” Kihyun starts quietly, but right away, as if all he’s been needing to talk about it was the permission. “Emma was five months pregnant, we weren’t talking as much, me and you, and I missed you so bad.” He swallows. “You were always with other friends. I was always with other people. We didn’t have time for each other, and when we did you didn’t show up. I stayed there waiting for you until Tuesday became Wednesday.”

“I thought we were going to meet on Thursday, though.” Hyunwoo says, like he’s done so long before.

Kihyun nods. “Well, yeah. But then we had the argument. Because that just served as a trigger and i had so much in my mind, I was so scared of losing you I blamed you for everything. And you blamed me right back.”

“And then it got weird, because I had that hope we’d go back to being friends, that I’d have you again, but I didn’t know how to talk to you, I didn’t know if I could trust you and I didn’t know if you felt the same way or if you-”

“I did. I was struggling so bad for all those months, and then Emma…”

“Yeah.” Hyunwoo chuckles dryly. “And Kiwoo was left to us.”

“And we agreed to talk.” Kihyun exhales, it comes out irregular.

The memory of that specific week is implied, unspoken.

Of korean families, Kihyun and Hyunwoo bonded in high school over mutual interests, a mutual friend — Emma Reid — and their similar backgrounds.

They were all three best friends, but they were also three separate people who had routines and rituals that differed for one another. So in a hunch, both boys decided to have a day of their own, when they’d go out just the two of them, speak korean only, do whatever they wanted, and that was gonna be their day.

The chosen day was, for no specific reason other than the fact they thought it was cool, the June solstice. And so every June 21st for years they’d meet up, and they’d call it, ridiculously, like the teens they were, their Korean Boys Day.

And so that was the day they decided to meet to talk about the Kiwoo situation, Emma’s passing, and what was gonna happen now. And the feeling had lingered in the air, the maybe make up, maybe they’d go back to being best friends, maybe now this horrible misunderstanding that drew them apart would come to an end.

But Kihyun never showed up, and the hope was gone.

“Why didn’t you come?” Hyunwoo whispers, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “I thought we could go back to how it was before, that we could go through the loss of our best friend together, that we could raise Kiwoo together.”

“I was gonna come.” The younger says, staring at the floor, his heart heavy. “I was gonna come, and I was gonna come clean, I thought if we were gonna make up you should at least know…” He bites down on his bottom lip. “I almost chickened out.” He confesses. “I took sleeping pills because I couldn’t calm down. But I took too much and I… When I woke up it was too late.”

Hyunwoo’s breath catches in his throat. “What were you gonna come clean about?”

“I was in love with you.” Kihyun says, so quietly the older almost doesn’t hear it, but he doesn’t really have to.

“What happened after that, then?” Hyunwoo asks almost as silently. “When we didn’t make up, when we didn’t talk at all?”

“I had to get over it. For Kiwoo, I had to give those feelings up.” The younger shrugs, and a tear falls from his eye, he wipes it quickly with a sniff.

Hyunwoo gets up slowly, looking at Kihyun, who looks up at him with pleading eyes. “And did you?”

Kihyun looks up at him with a frown and a sob threatening to come out. “I don’t think so.”

The older sits down next to Kihyun, and holds him against his bigger body. Kihyun then finally sobs. He cries, and cries and so does Hyunwoo, gripping onto the shorter with a broken cry. “I don’t think I did either.”

The laugh Kihyun lets out is bitter, but also happy, relieved. He pulls back and seals his lips with Hyunwoo’s, wet, salty, and nostalgic, just like their tears.

They could make it work. And the both of them think, _maybe that hope didn’t die down completely after all._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if the ending sounded rushed, I was running out of words lmao
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3  
> Leave comments and kudos if you did, and don't forget to check out the collection for other showki fics for the #ShowkiMasterBingoChallenge  
> It's not too late to join!!


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